In November 2009 while playing soccer, Keith Kopka fell while running because of a foot that was already losing a battle of control. After numerous tests and doctor visits, Mr. Kopka was diagnosed with ALS five months later, on April 20, 2010. He inspired the Wilmington community over the next four years as he faced his diagnosis and did everything within his power to raise awareness for ALS and leave a legacy for his family.
Mr. Kopka, of Wilmington, died Monday, March 3, 2014, at the age of 45.
If you asked Mr. Kopka, he met his wife, Megan Kopka, a month before she met him. Mrs. Kopka was dancing by herself at a party in what Mr. Kopka remembers as a “muumuu,” though she says it was a sundress, and claimed he immediately knew she was different.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Kopka were working at Alamance Country Club, he as a chef and she as a banquet waitress. About a month after that first party, as he was carving an ice sculpture nearby, he heard Mrs. Kopka ask for any leftover flowers to take home to her apartment. None were available, so Mr. Kopka offered the ice sculpture flowers to her.
“The ice sculpture case had soft lights coming up from the bottom. Between that and the flowers, he got my attention,” Mrs. Kopka said.
She started noticing him more as he sang along to heavy metal in the kitchen while he cooked for banquets. She’d finally worked up the courage to ask him for a date when she saw him walk into work with a case of beer and bouquet of flowers.
“I thought he had a girlfriend he was planning to see after work,” Mrs. Kopka said.
At the end of the night, Mr. Kopka handed her the flowers. He knew the banquet wouldn’t have any left over and didn’t want her going home empty-handed. Mrs. Kopka remembers it as the most romantic gesture she’d ever received. According to her, they were inseparable after that night.
Mrs. Kopka believes their shared sense of humor is what kept them so close during the last four years of his life. She admits there were many complications she and her husband faced, but she never heard him complain.
“It was an inspiration and honor to be his wife because he handled it so well.”
Mr. Kopka worked as a chef at St. James Plantation in Southport for years and he stayed in the kitchen cooking until his illness made him physically unable. St. James insisted on a retirement party in his honor.
They arranged a golf tournament to help raise money for the Kopka family and, at first, Mrs. Kopka remembers her husband refusing. Eventually, he relented and as more people joined, St. James opened a second course to accommodate the crowd.
The tournament was held on Founder’s Club and Players courses at St. James Plantation. Over 300 attended the dinner that night where the Kopka family was given almost $90,000. The money was used for multiple renovations for the Kopkas’ home.
“People don’t understand the changes that need to take place to allow for an easier time for those in wheelchairs,” Mrs. Kopka said.
There were three internal doorways that needed to be widened, but Mrs. Kopka stressed it wasn’t just doors needing to be hung; the moulding and floors had to be taken into account, too. In one room, the door was next to a closet and, in order to widen the doorway, the entire closet had to be shifted.
Their bathroom received a makeover, too. The cabinets underneath the sink were removed to allow Mr. Kopka to pull his wheelchair up to the sink. The vanity then needed to be sturdy enough for Mr. Kopka to put all of his weight on it in order to move around. There were handrails installed beside the toilet and the shower was made wide enough for the wheelchair with a slanting drain.
In many cases, the family found themselves facing establishments without wheelchair accessibility, the most common issue being stairs. When the Kopkas were invited to attend a friend’s cookout, Mrs. Kopka and her husband’s sister, Kim Kopka Ratcliff, covered the stairs with wooden boards to allow his wheelchair up the slant.
“You feel like you overcome one obstacle and you go really well for a while, then you hit another obstacle and you try to overcome that one, too,” Mrs. Ratcliff said.
After Mr. Kopka lost the ability to roll over on his own, sleep became uncomfortable. Mrs. Kopka remembers getting up at least 16 times per night to roll him over and ease pressure points. She recalls being thankful for the rotating bed they purchased eight months later, commenting on the sheer amount of energy moving a body in the middle of the night took.
On Mrs. Kopka’s blog where she detailed the struggles and successes of her husband’s illness, she said, “In all this pain he avoided pills to stay present and lucid.”
When Mr. Kopka was first diagnosed with ALS, his reaction was shock.
“We got him to the right place quick but it really didn’t matter. There’s no treatment,” Mrs. Kopka said.
Action quickly replaced his initial shock at the diagnosis, according to both Mrs. Kopka and Mrs. Ratcliff. He joined a new ALS drug trial and started working to raise awareness for ALS.
Mr. Kopka’s story appeared on WECT multiple times during the last four years. Mrs. Ratcliff, an anchor on Carolina in the Morning, pitched story ideas for the Kopkas’ house renovations, wanting to show the community what it takes to make a home wheelchair-accessible.
“He truly felt if he could show people what living with ALS was like, he could make a difference. I’m so proud of him for that,” Mrs. Ratcliff said.
Mrs. Ratcliff remembers her brother first being unable to move his foot. Then he lost control over the entire leg, then both legs. His wife felt like his body was dying in pieces and his family and friends knew eventually, he wouldn’t be able to move at all.
Mrs. Ratcliff’s outlook on life changed dramatically because of her brother’s illness.
“I never heard him complain. He’d get kind of frustrated, but never complained,” Mrs. Ratcliff said. “I want to be a better person, more like Keith, and not pity myself. I someday hope to have an impact like he’s had on people.”
Mr. Kopka spent the last weeks of his life happily. His former company, St. James Plantation, gave him one last send-off: tickets to the 2014 Super Bowl for Mr. Kopka and his wife, plus hotel accommodations.
According to Mrs. Kopka’s blog, the couple loved seeing the ice sculptures and taking photos with NFL cheerleaders. Mr. Kopka kept an electric blanket around his body and enjoyed the best stadium hot dog he’d ever eaten.
On Sunday, March 2, 2014, the day before his death, Mr. and Mrs. Kopka, along with their children and Mrs. Ratcliff’s family, had a relaxing cookout in the backyard. Mrs. Kopka remembers it as a beautiful day, one of the best they’d had in months.
“Some people really peak before they go,” Mrs. Kopka said. “Other people are in bed for 10 days on morphine and that’s what I expected. There’s a bit of tragedy and shock for me because I expected things to be different.”
Before his death, Mr. Kopka shared two wishes with his wife: that they’d have a party, not a funeral, and that in lieu of flowers, money be given to his children’s college fund.
A memorial service was held Friday, March 7, 2014, with close to 500 in attendance and many who were unable to make it. On Saturday, March 8, 2014, Mrs. Kopka held a “Keith Fest” at her home for close friends and family in his honor.
Memorial donations in Mr. Kopka’s honor for his children’s college funds may be made payable to: USAA 529 College Savings Plan, 4018 Oleander Drive, Suite 2, Wilmington, NC, 28403.
He was born Oct. 3, 1968, to Col. John and Polly Kopka, of Hubert and is survived by his loving wife, Megan; son, Bruce; daughter, Jaden; parents, John and Polly Kopka, of Hubert; in-laws, Ken and Janet Fogle, of Chagrin Falls, Ohio; sister and brother-in- law, Kim and Bill Ratcliff, of Wilmington; brother and sister-in-law, Chris and Brittany Kopka, of Wilson; brother-in-law and wife, Ken and Jenna Ferguson; nieces and nephews, Christopher, Mason, Kate and Jack Kopka, Hunter Ratcliff and Aiofe Ferguson; and numerous loving aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and colleagues.
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